This piece originally appeared on How Pants Work here: I’m a Real Marketing Person, and I Can Prove it With These Creative Names I’ve Given Everyday Items
- Cigarettes: Sexy Smoke Sticks
- Sofa: Loungeus Maximus
- Vacuum Cleaner: Dirt-Goes-Away
- Television: Color Moving Picture Box
- Light Bulb: ’Lumination Orb
- Parking Garage: Car Motel
- Whiskey: Tipsy Brown
- Grass: Yard Carpet
- Helmet: Head Protector Extraordinaire
- Surgery: Luxury Body Slicing
- Popsicle: Cold Solid Juice
- Fire Extinguisher: Foamy White Dispenser
- Chair: Human Holder
- Coffee Table: Li’l Surface
- Trash Can: Paper Hole
- Coffee: Wakey Sip-Sip
- Wheel: Roll-About
- Log: Tree Torso
- Bear: Cute ’n’ Deadly
- Gloves: Hand Coats